My Yiddish is Phenomenal

Dental Hygienists and Breast Size

2011-05-09T21:43:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This post is rated at least PG-13. Reader discretion is advised. There will be no pictures; I will not do an image search with the words "large" "breasts" "buxom" or any such thing so you will simply get lines and lines of text. Deal with it.

I do believe that little has shaped my life or made me into the person I am today as much as regular visits to the dentist. Or perhaps I dwell on those visits because they are the little semi-annual oddity that always provides me with a lot of things to blog about.

Let me start by saying I like breasts as much as the next guy. Let me continue by retracting that statement for 2 reasons:
1) If the internet is any indication, the next guy is way more fascinated with all kinds of things sexual in nature - including breasts - more than me
2) Breasts probably only round out my top 3 favorite parts of the female anatomy, no pun intended.

The last time I went to the dentist my hygienist brought in another girl to do the polishing and the time previous was the only time I remember my regular hygienist not being there. After these experiences, I will say the most notable thing(s) about my hygienist and the previous "polish girl" (not Polish, polish - and yes, I realize that is not their title but I don't know what their title is) is their breasts are not notable at all. Not that they have exceptionally small breasts - I actually do not have confirmation of this, but after my other experiences I realized how nice it is that nothing about their breasts ever crossed my mind - or my forehead.

After my recent experiences, I do think that there really should be either a breast size maximum for people who will be leaning over people in a chair for a living or, at the very least, additional training for well-endowed ladies as far as what to do with those things. This should also go for cosmetologists, as I have had one similar experience while getting my hair cut. In my past two dental visits I have so many breasts rubbing against or just plain resting on my arms, shoulder, and forehead I feel like I should be getting royalty checks from Cinemax. This is extremely uncomfortable and unpleasant. I would buy two Waterpiks to ensure it never happens to me again.

I would like to close with a quick shout out to all the professional women out there who manage to do your jobs without unpleasant or obtrusive breast contact. Thank you for all you do.

My Dental Hygienist and the Tale of the Waterpik

2011-05-03T15:35:00.000-07:00

I like to think I am an honest person. I try to be real and up front with everyone I meet, tell the truth to my wife and kids, and act with integrity at the workplace. I think I am fairly successful at this overall. Why then does the relationship I have with my dental hygienist resemble that of a teenager trying desperately to cover their tracks when talking to their parent?

I have been going to the same dental office for 5 years now, and I don't remember my hygienist ever not being there except for when she was on vacation (and was replaced by a "buxom" female replacement: more on that later). So I am left to assume that for 5 years she has been extolling the benefits of a wat erpik to me. She was so persistent that, about a year and a half ago, I finally caved. I don't mean I actually bought a waterpik, I mean I decided that I would say I bought a waterpik so she would stop telling me to. I was now telling her that this guy on the right was me every day. It is to the point where I can't remember the exact detail of my lie and I am worried that I will get found out. She has asked me on a couple of occasions if I got the countertop version or the one that hangs on the showerhead and I can't remember what I told her the last time! I wonder if she is checking her notes every time she brings it up.

So this last time that I go, she asks with a certain amount of skepticism in her voice if I am "still using that waterpik." I figure that my teeth must just not look like they have been cleaned by a waterpik daily. Of course, I do what any decent, honest adult who has been confronted with a lie does. That's right, I tell another lie to cover my previous lie. I tell her that my imaginary waterpik was broken and I just haven't gotten around to replacing it yet. Now I don't just have a waterpik, I have a broken waterpik that I need to replace. I am already trying to figure out what to say when I go back in August . . .

Goodbye, Spring Break

2011-04-18T06:05:00.000-07:00

Spring Break, though officially over Friday afternoon, is really done as I am mere minutes away from showering and getting dressed for work. I don't feel too badly about going back to work because I feel like I accomplished quite a bit over the past week. I made a list, because that is what I do.

1. I watched 8 movies
2. I watched 6 full sporting events (playoff basketball, playoff hockey, baseball)
3. I finished a book, read another, and got about a third of the way through a third book
4. Went to 4 baseball practices
5. Actually made it to they gym 4 times
6. Tutored 3 different people in 5 different sessions
7. Went to the dentist (possibly another topic that is blogworthy)
8. Poker night followed by a trip to watch Altenburg at an open mic comedy night
9. Picked over 100 horse races against Opie (and I am being beat quite mercilessly)
10. Beat one friend at Scrabble, then lost to another a day later
11. Shaved only once

I guess I am ready to go. I got a lot done, and my list length is a prime number. All is right in the world.

Great moments in gym manliness #7

2009-09-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

There was a weight pin stuck in the stack on the leg sled machine. Being a good follower of rules ("Do not attempt to remove a stuck pin yourself, let gym personnel know") and not wanting to pull the pin out and have to deal with the whole fiasco if I ended up breaking anything by not following the rules, I alerted Rhonda - a young lady who lives in our complex and works at our gym - as she walked by. She gave it a little tug. Then she put her sleeve over her hand, tugged a little bit again, pulled out the pin, and handed it to me. As she walked away, I mumbled something along the lines of, "I wasn't sure how hard I should . . . " as I trailed off.

Great moments in gym manliness #6

2009-09-07T10:11:00.000-07:00

I was using the curling machine at the gym. I had just upped the weight and I was really giving it my all, sweating and possibly a little grunting, to finish my set. I stand up. Some guy sits down behind me and knocks out 15 reps with one arm.

It really isn't OK

2009-08-05T13:07:00.000-07:00

On Monday, I went to an Aces game with my dad. Those of you that have befriended me in real life and my virtual life on Facebook or Twitter may remember that I tweeted about the people in front of us that could not sit down. In one of the instances, a little boy ended up hitting a lady in front of him as he was walking around. The mother quickly corrected him talking about why he should sit down and what she told him before they left, etc. You've heard the speech, I'm sure. And can you guess the response of the lady who the kid hit?

Exactly. She turned around and said, "Oh, it's OK."

Why is this the typical response from most people in this situation? It's bad enough that people feel like it's acceptable or appropriate to undermine a parent by saying anything to someone else's kids during or about discipline. But even if you are a complete douche bag with a superiority complex that is convinced that you know more about raising someone else's children than they do, there is one more thing . . . it is not OK. It's not OK at all to walk around during a baseball game and bump into people around you. If an adult were to do that, there would eventually be a fight. How in the hell do all these "Oh, it's OK" people expect kids to learn how not to be beligerent idiots when they grow up if we constantly tell them everything is OK when they're little?

How to get rich slowly tip #24: 2 (or more) for 1 movies

2009-08-03T22:46:00.000-07:00

Every time I go to the movies with Layla, bad things happen; power goes out, movies start with no sound, the wrong movie comes on, etc. Last week was no exception.

We are already running late, about 11:10 for an 11:05 showing, and as soon as I tell the girl behind the glass what I would like to see, the printer at her station - the only station open - stops working. She asks an overweight, unhappy woman in the booth with her for help. This woman is apparently a manager because she is way too old to be working in a movie theater and isn't wearing a bow tie or vest. The woman gets on the phone to someone and has a very brief, unpleasant coversation before she slams down the phone and begins physically abusing the ticket printer below the counter. During this somewhat amusing occurence, the original ticket girl has opened the computer next door, confirms we want to see the Orphan, and promptly prints us Transformer 2 tickets.

I figure it's no big deal. I am confident in my ability to read the large LED display that shows in what theater the movie I actually want to see is showing, so I just ignore the instructions of the guy who rips our tickets and we go to the theater. As we go in it is completely empty, which is cool, and the lights are on and there is nothing showing on the screen at all, which is not cool at all considering we are about 10 minutes past show time by now. I give Layla the "what-did-you-do-now" look, then we walk out and find the manger walking around looking all surly and unapproachable, quite possible attempting to look busy a la George Costanza. (video included for those who need a reminder)

I first explain to the lady that I have the wrong tickets. "Well just go the theater that it's in, it's not big deal," she says as she starts to walk away. I inform her that I did manage to get that far on my own, but I don't understand why the movie hasn't started yet. She huffs and puffs her way over to the computer where you pay for snacks and inform me that the movie doesn't start until 12:50. (It may seem as though I read the listings wrong at fandango.com since the 11:05 showing is at a different multiplex location, but Layla probably made the listings wrong the same way she breaks power lines, projectors, and ticket printers.) As the manager tries once again to escape the wily grasp of a customer actually attempting to get customer service from her, I inconsiderately ask if I can get new tickets for the movie I actually paid to see so that we can come back in an hour and a half when the movie is going to start. She made weird sounds akin to a 14 year-old girl that has just been asked to work on her homework/give me the cell phone she was just texting on in class as she breaks out a pen and alters our tickets. I ask if this is good enough to get us back in, to which she rolls her eyes and informs me that this is exactly what she would do at the box office as well. I thank her, perhaps with a hint of sarcasm, for her time and leave with this (remember that it is also ripped- that's right, no initials or anything):

Upon returning, I expected to have to explain to the usher that his fat, misanthropic manager did this, but as I started this explanation he was already telling me to go on and was completely uninterested in my attempts to enter the theater with already used tickets on which all pertinent information has been crossed off and changed. This is the part where I'd explain what this has to do with the title of my post, but you're all smart people. Save your ticket stubs.

Poo story

2009-07-14T15:59:00.000-07:00

I have a story about the last day of our return from the family vacation (last Friday).

WARNING: Contents of this post are scatological in nature. Be advised before proceeding.

On this day, my intake consisted of:

1) one reasonable helping of not especially great biscuits and fravy with 3 link sausages from the free breakfast at the Country Inn and Suites in Bountiful, Utah.
2) Coffee and OJ from previously mentioned breakfast.
3) Sunflower seeds (Spitz spicy) - about 1/3 of a bag - enough to fill a standard styrofoam coffee cup with shells
4) Naked wild berry juice
5) three cold slice of leftover Little Cesar's supreme pizza
6) McDonald's double cheeseburger
7) medium Hi-C fruit punch from McDonald's fountain
8) most of the McDonald's iced mocha that my wife didn't like

When I came home I shat not especially solid and ridiculously green. It was bizarre because I had no idea why it was green. Really weird. It was a bit scary, but my excrement has returned to a more expected color over the past 3 days, but a tad bothersome anyhow -- it's not like I ate a whole container of spinach dip or something.

Kobe and MJ

2009-07-07T16:20:00.000-07:00

No - this isn't a reprise of the stupid Jordan argument, this is about something much less pleasant to think about -- yet somehow no less enjoyable to argue about somehow. Following are some key statistics to, arguably, the three biggest cases of accusations of sexual assault in my short time on this planet. Feel free to read the details again if, for some reason, you were living under a rock in 1992, 1993, or 2005 (the "golden year" of celebrity sexual assualt accusations).

Please read, respond to the poll. Most of you probably know my take on these, but I'm interested to find out if I am truly in the minority or if the minority is just more vocal. Probably won't get much participation, but it's worth a shot.

Michael Jackson
1993 - allegations were made by family of Evan Chandler. No incriminating evidence was found and charges were never filed. Jackson settled a civil suit out of court paying the family $20+ million.
2005 - Michael Jackson was acquitted of all charges brought against him by the Santa Barbara Sheriff's Department.

source

Kobe Bryant
Accused of rape in 2005. Accuser settled civil suit out of court for undisclosed terms and refused to testify in criminal case.

source

Mike Tyson
Convicted of rape in 1992. No monetary payment that I am aware of.

source, interesting reading

Promises Shmomises

2009-07-01T06:48:00.000-07:00

Ahh, change.

Change and transparency.

Being nerdy

2009-06-25T16:51:00.000-07:00

I have spent too much time trying to network my blog so new posts show up on facebook.

I also tried to get my tweets to show up on facebook, but for some reason I can't get that app to work just yet - something to do with session test not responding. Weird. I'm slightly out of my nerd depth . . . however I did find out that Michael Jackson died as I was playing around on Twitter.

Well, then. Let's see if this works . . .

Kobe is no Michael

2009-06-15T20:25:00.000-07:00

So I somehow ended up in a fantasy baseball league with some yahoo Lakers fan who proceeded to say that Kobe is as good as Jordan but that no one would ever admit it no matter what the stats say. This led me to do a minor amount of research because he threw up some stupid stats. I'm pretty sure I would argue that Kobe is the best player in the league, but he will never be Jordan.

Numbers are difficult to look at in totals because Kobe started at 18 and has already played 13 seasons with the Lakers. Jordan played 12 full seasons with the Bulls (he returned for 17 games and playoffs in the 94-95 season). So Kobe can play a few more years, but averages show that in most categories he has no realistic chance of catching Jordan in averages, and Jordan reached all the awards and accolades listed in the same number of seasons that Kobe has already played.

Also keep in mind that Jordan's averages are all lower due to the two years with the Wizards.

Kobe:
Regular season MVP's - 1
Finals MVP's - 1
Defensive player of the year - 0
All defensive first team - 7
Championships - 4
PPG - 25.1
FG% - 45.5
APG - 4.6
RPG - 5.3
SPG - 1.5
TOPG - 2.9

Jordan:
Regular season MVP's - 5
Finals MVP's - 6
Defensive player of the year - 1
All defensive first team - 9
Championships - 6
PPG - 30.1
FG% - 49.7
APG - 5.3
RPG - 6.2
SPG - 2.4
TOPG - 2.7

So let's be realistic. Kobe may be good, but he is no Jordan.

Just another reason soccer is the gayest of all sports

2009-06-10T08:12:00.000-07:00

And Stan Van Gundy wants to complain about Shaq flopping? This is more embarrassing than Paul Pierce getting taken of the court in a wheelchair in game 1 of the Finals last year.

Frustration

2009-06-02T15:40:00.001-07:00

That title amuses me because I was imagining Adam Sandler as Cajun Man saying it. Frustration . . . before summer vacation.

I heard back from my advisor today. He has read and sent my paper to rest of the committee and they are none too pleased. It appears as though if there aren't significant improvements (?) made to my paper before the end of the month, I will not earn a Pass this summer. I still present, but I have to wait and do an additional defense over the phone (why I can't do that initially is beyond me) and - even worse - I will have to pay for 3 more credits. In a way, I'm not surprised. I haven't heard a single positive comment regarding my paper until this time when he stated that the first 21 pages of my paper were readable. Unfortunately, he was using that to draw a distinction between that and the pages that came after.

I haven't opened the comments yet from the committee members. I am beginning to get extremely irritated by the process. It seems that in the end my paper will say exactly what they want it to say, with me drawing all the conclusions they choose to find in my research . . . basically they want to analyze the data and write the results themselves. They also did a significant amount of monkeying in the research itself. The end result of each subsequent edit has been less and less anything that I ever chose to do or care about at all and becomes more and more what they would have done and written had they been me. I wish they would just wrap it up for me and give me the piece of paper. I just want my raise . . . I couldn't give two craps about any of this academic ju-ju.

Kids are lazy and, as a result, stupid. If we continue to enable them, we will continute to have shitty schools. Bam. Give me my degree already.

Star Trek news

2009-05-15T20:37:00.000-07:00

Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

Retarded journalism

2009-05-10T09:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's Nuggets-Mavericks had a controversial ending. Antoine Wright on the Mavericks attempted to foul the Nuggets Carmelo Anthony so that the Nuggets would have to take the ball out of bounds instead of let them shoot a 3-point shot to potentially take the lead. He attempted to foul, it wasn't called, and Carmelo hit the 3 to put the Nuggets up by 1 with only about a second left. The Nuggets went on to win the game.

A lengthy explanation that isn't necessarily all-important, but the post game interview with Chauncy Billups, point guard for the Nuggets, struck me as containing quite possibly the stupidest question ever. Nancy Lieberman, according to everyone, is some kind of stellar female reporter/former player, etc. This is how she began the interview after the game:

"Chauncy, obviously a lot of emotion at the end of a big game like this. Did you, did you know that Carmelo was not going to get fouled and he was going to play through with that 3-point shot?"

There are so many stupid things about this question I can't even begin to explain how much I hate that Nancy Lieberman has a job and/or a spot in the basketball hall of fame.

Advice of a good friend

2009-05-06T18:53:00.000-07:00

I will make a more serious post as indicated in my previous, but this was too good not to share. So I visited FailBlog.org on the advice of one Opie. It's mildly amusing, but this one is a real gem.

A Cuatro de Mayo update

2009-05-04T16:33:00.000-07:00

The mainstream media is officially in love.

I crap better fluff pieces than this.

And also enjoy this video.

And I will get off the Obama train, it's just the amount of journalists that must have Obama pictures on their bedroom ceilings and/or make their spouse wear Obama masks during business time is staggering. Nothing is more irritating than abject stupidity.

Next - why my dad must be wrong or God is a big jerk.

Democrats = champions of the regular folk

2009-05-01T22:42:00.001-07:00

How did it ever happen that people - average folk, the American people - bought into the idea that one group of really rich, powerful, out of touch people really understand or represent them better than another group of really rich, powerful, out of touch people?

Maybe it was the stylish $540 sneakers the first group was wearing.

This just in: Blocking punches important when fighting

2009-04-27T13:50:00.000-07:00

In a follow-up to last week's post:

Despite being held in the Auburn Covered Arena described basically as a barn with the crap cleaned up, the fight involving Kyle "Black Knight" Maynard was a farce that basically involved him getting repeatedly hit in the face as he tried to charge his opponent. It did go to decision, which means either Bryan Fry is a puss (as far as fighters go, I'm not volunteering to be his next match) or, more likely, just feels bad beating this guy up as easily as he could. Everybody seemed so busy patting themselves on the back for feeling good about KM that they didn't bother thinking about the horrible situation they put all his opponents in (and I'm going all the way back to his "successful" high school wrestling career). It's not fair to do that to anyone - who would feel good about beating this guy in anything? Our society is stupid. Feel-good inspirational stories are usually fabrications.

Video

And in even less surprising news: Another broken campaign promise. Thank goodness for Change, I was really starting to lose my faith in the office of President.

I'm farting on a farm

2009-04-24T16:00:00.000-07:00

The name of this post comes from Dylan's suggestion. He read the name "Do they share food in a barn?", and told me that was a stupid name for a post, that a better title would be . . . (read title of post).

[edited for content] for only the second time since I've been blogging, I feel the need to actually edit myself. The contents of this paragraph - if you already read it - were written out of anger and were not fair to any of the people mentioned in said paragraph.

This actually brings me to another point. I really think that to graduate from high school, all kids should be required to take a debate class and a communication class (something similar to what any of us married folk who have been through some kind of counseling have gone through). We have a whole crapload of people wandering around that don't know how to argue, how to listen, or how to make sense.

I'll bite your legs off!

2009-04-23T13:35:00.000-07:00

OK, click on the picture and read the article about this guy.

Now, I'm all for feel-good stories. (OK, if you know me, that's probably a bit of a stretch - let's just agree I'm not really against feel-good stories.)

But I'm against stupidity. Guess which category this falls under?

Haven't we already seen this fight?

Jerry Falwell - my subculture's very own spokesperson

2009-04-22T14:35:00.000-07:00

I have not been kind to Falwell on my blog, though I didn't actually celebrate his death or anything.

It is definitely scary to me, then, that anyone would go to Liberty University to find out what Christians think, however I might be interested in reading the book.

Vampires and Zombies and Mummies, oh my

2009-04-14T14:53:00.000-07:00

I know I could probably look this up (fairly easily) but it seems more like something I should find out from the readers of this blog -- kind of like finding out about sex from the creepy 17 year-old 8th grader instead of asking your parents.

I apologize for the long setup - but it seemed important as I typed it and I don't want to go back and edit now:

I was tickling my boy, and he grabbed my arm and said that he was going to suck my blood because he was now a zombie. I gave him the disapproving parent eye, and he quickly corrected himself. "Oh yeah, that's vampires. I'm going to eat your guts." I accepted his correction, although technically I think zombies eat all parts of the body, they are typically eating guts in the movies because that looks cooler. But then when I tried to tickle him, he informed me that this couldn't be done because he was covered in rags. I inquired further and we determined that he was referring to being a mummy, not a zombie. He then asked me what would a mummy do to someone if they caught them.

I must shamefully admit that I did not know the answer to that. What do mummies do to their victims? I want to guess it involves souls, but I don't remember at all. Help me, please. Help me be a good father.

Do they share food in a barn?

2009-04-13T10:04:00.000-07:00

This weekend I was about as irritated at my wife as I have ever been.

I go into the kitchen to get some ice cream. I ask her if she would like some. She says no. As soon as I sit down, she takes some of my ice cream with her spoon. I let this slide with a small mention of my willingness to get her ice cream if she wants some and an assumption that she just wanted one spoon of ice cream.

However, a minute or two later, she does it again. I reiterate more forcefully my willingness to get her ice cream if she wants it. (side note: I find that I am experiencing some amount of my anger over again as I am tryping this) Again she refuses saying that she doesn't want ice cream. That statement (possibly said still with some of my ice cream in her mouth, though that could just be a subconscious memory embellishment) made it worse because it was so obviously not true.

The third time caused me to ask what exactly was wrong with her on my way to dump my ice cream in the sink.

My wife always wants to share food when we go out to eat which irritates me to no end. She always thinks its a good idea to discuss what we're ordering so we can both order something, then share it. I've found that I have two options to avoid this situation: 1) order something just because I know she won't want it even though it's usually not what I want the most 2) go to sushi.

In what weird kind of place is this seen as OK? If you want something, why wouldn't you say so when it is offered? Do we not live in a civilized society?

Narcissism

2009-04-04T14:46:00.000-07:00

On my way home from the library this afternoon, I heard an interview with UConn guard A.J. Price. His Huskies are about to face the Spartans of Michigan State, who are admittedly slightly less intimidating than the Spartans of Zack Snyder's movie universe. They asked Price how it felt to be in the Final Four after his eventful collegiate past which involved following up nearly dying from a brain hemorrhage and undergoing brain surgery by stealing laptops and lying to police about it. Busy in 2005, A.J. Price was.

His response (I won't use quotes because I'm going from memory, even though I'm pretty sure the canned response is word for word): I wouldn't change a thing about my past because it's what makes me the person I am today. Everything happens for a reason.

Now I don't entirely blame Price for answering this way. It's pretty much what is expected and that's how we are supposed to respond regarding past mistakes and difficulties. The problem is that this line of thinking is typically modernist American: ridiculously selfish and illogical.

I'll take the second adjective I used first: it is illogical because if you are claiming (or it is understood) that you are now a good person, you most definitely are that way because you learned from your bad decisions -- not because you made them. Intelligent people are capable of learning from the mistakes of others and don't need to make every mistake ever made themselves to know it's a bad idea. (They don't always, human beings do have a horrible need to learn many things the hard way, myself included. Most of us understand that we didn't have to.) It's not to say that you can't learn from your mistakes, it's foolish to imply that the mistakes were necessary for that lesson to be learned.

More importantly, though, while this is meant to sound humble and contrite, the actual message is the exact opposite. Many may not catch this consciously or mean it intentionally, it's hard to argue that the message is not well understood. Saying that you wouldn't change anything and that everything happens for a reason is not repentance. It's quite a different sentiment. It's almost like acknowledging that what you did may have been wrong, but since everything happens for a reason it's stating that you're not really responsible for your own actions -- they were part of some larger plan and they were necessary even if we don't understand why. So the message is, it's not my fault, and it made me a better person. It is the pinnacle of narcissism to claim that all the wrong you have done is justified because you, as you are now, are so great that it doesn't matter what kind of harm your actions caused as long as the end result is you just how you are.

If you are truly remorseful and contrite, you would in some way indicate that you will not repeat the mistakes you have made previously and possibly even say something along the lines that you would not do what you did if given another opportunity - something sorely lacking in the "everything happens for a reason and now I'm a better person" defense.

Yet this is the way we think now as a culture. No wonder we all constantly interact with self-absorbed, petulant, childish people in every facet of life.

Debaptism

2009-04-01T13:45:00.000-07:00

England is once again ahead of the curve.

And I do have to note that a billboard saying "There is probably no God" is rather noncommittal. The person who wrote that is probably an idiot. They should probably make up their mind.

Best polka cover not by Weird Al

2009-03-29T08:52:00.000-07:00

See more funny videos and Music Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Remember when the world loved us again, around November?

2009-03-26T09:09:00.000-07:00

Already, one of the highlights of EU summit is "refusing to follow the US example" of wasteful spending to stimulate the economy, according to at least one European leader.

I love how Obama now "appealed for all countries to bear the burden of spending to stimulate the world economy."

It's not just enough for us to mortgage our children's future . . .

And what assumptions are we to make about a man that continues to surround himself with people of extremely questionable practices (like, not paying taxes) and getting rich by being ineffective and contributing to the economic downturn?

Getting Mavericky with it

2009-03-25T16:47:00.001-07:00

Hindsight is always 20/20. And apparently all it takes is to not be kissing ass for votes to have hindsight.

"I think so far it's been pretty obvious that the stimulus package is an exercise in generational theft," Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., told FOX News Wednesday when asked about Pelosi's comment.

You mean the stimulus package you stopped your campaign to push through wasn't generational theft?

Full Article

And on a similar note, is there anyone who voted for Obama who still buys his "difference" and "change" BS? As part of his remarkable string of going back on campaign promises, his deputy Secretary of Defense nominee was a lobbyist for Raytheon. (Look it up, don't take my word for it) What a great anti-lobbying stance our great reformer has. Maybe you like the Democratic Party line, which is OK, but you have to be slightly foolish to still believe that this guy is any different than the long string of hypocrites and megalomaniacs that have held or run for this office. Thanks for perpetuating the status quo, at least he's still black.

Vaccinations

2009-03-17T08:52:00.001-07:00

Thanks for the article, Shawn. There's nothing like having to suffer for the poor choices of others.

Which is better, evil or retarded?

2009-03-04T07:15:00.000-08:00

I vote for retarded. It's like bringing back the days of Dan Quayle. Luckily we have a "storybook, clean, articulate" black man as President.

Your going to learn a lot from our English Department

2009-02-14T12:28:00.000-08:00

I happened across this flyer at my place of work this past week.

Either this is some kind of vocational school or they should really run their flyers by an English professor. Thanks, but I've experienced enough.

Everybody hurts

2009-02-11T14:52:00.000-08:00

I guess everyone is feeling the crunch of these tough economic times.

Change

2009-02-05T14:50:00.000-08:00

Weird, apparently our Senator is still a douche. Ooh, that wasn't very p.c. Perhaps I should say, apparently our disrespectful, vindictive, carpetbagging Senator that claims to be a rural Nevadan at heart missed the memo that we are in a new era of working together and putting the American people first. That is beside the point, I suppose. Now you know why cynics like me scoff at all this touchy, feely, work together stuff that was being spewed this past year. Isn't it funny how "bipartisanship" always seems to be part of the platform for the President and/or the new majority in Congress (like Bush's "compassionate conservatism" that was going to help him "reach across the aisles" in 2000), but as soon as we discover it's not a way to get exactly what we want, we back off it?

My favorite part:

Reid said Obama “instructed” him to work with the bipartisan group of senators, but he rejected calls from some senators to overhaul the bill. “If they think they’re going to rewrite the bill, Barack Obama is going to walk away,” he said.

So, to paraphrase: I'm ready to be bipartisan as long as you don't want me to compromise. And note for a moment, this is quite possibly the second most damaging economic legislation for the future of this country that has ever been proposed seriously - the first, of course, being the original bail-out package, another great product of the elusive bipartisanship.

My second favorite part:

Reid lampooned an amendment by Sens. Russ Feingold (D-Wis.) and John McCain (R-Ariz.) aimed at ending unauthorized spending for earmarked projects.
"Please, someone write about how foolish this earmark [issue] is," Reid said, arguing that Congress has already passed legislation to make earmarks more transparent.

Yes, that legislation has worked miracles so far. Reid is right, though. It would be stupid to try to reduce the amount of money in the bailout, demand accountability and remove Congress' ability to roll pork out to their constituents.

Just for fun: 1, 2

It's been awhile

2009-01-29T14:45:00.000-08:00

See more funny videos and Sports Videos at Today's Big Thing.

For Heavy Drinkers everywhere

2009-01-07T13:56:00.000-08:00

The CDC defines a "heavy drinker" as a male who has 2 drinks per day or a female who has 1 drink per day.

So when I drink 7 beers on Friday and Saturday, does that average out to 2 per day an make me a heavy drinker? Or, if I were to imbibe in about 6-10 drinks per night for a 3 week period (say, when I visit some particularly friendly folks in Montana), does that make me a heavy drinker for the entire second half of the year?

Hmmm . . . Good thing I live in Washoe County, I suppose.

Jozin z Bazin polskie napisy

2008-12-18T15:34:00.001-08:00

Adolph Hitler Campbell

2008-12-16T16:51:00.000-08:00

This whole story has been bizarre. It's even stranger now that dad has tried to explain himself.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-09T16:00:00.000-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

For Shontell

2008-12-08T14:45:00.000-08:00

It's really not fair, I don't remember anyone being this stupid when you were on.

Dylan's concise 30 Rock television review

2008-11-24T09:38:00.001-08:00

"I don't like this show. It has girls and there aren't any ninjas."

Suspending disbelief

2008-11-21T13:21:00.000-08:00

A couple weeks ago I did a double dip in zombie movies with Layla. We watched "Diary of the Dead" from Netflix, then went to the movies to watch "Quarantine" later on that night.

Obviously, neither were great movies by any standard of great that I've ever heard, but both were extremely entertaining (looking past the fact they were both blatant rip offs of the Spanish flick "[Rec]"). To be fair, "Quarantine" at least called itself a remake. "Quarantine" was probably the most intesnse movie I've ever seen - in that sense it was well done, I suppose. Layla saw about two-thirds of the movie with one eye through the cracks in her fingers; she was literally shivering about an hour in. It was kind of like taking her on a roller coaster for the first time when she was 7.

But that was really more information than I needed to set up my 2 rants:

Rant #1 - I can suspend disbelief in zombie movies to a point where I'm all right with the dead coming to life for no apparent reason (see almost any zombie movie), or people being infected with some kind of virus (see "28 Days/Weeks Later" or "Quarantine"). What I have a problem with is that 40 years after "Night of the Living Dead", every zombie movie takes place in a weird alternate universe where none of the main characters have every seen or heard about a single zombie movie. All of a sudden, the dead come to life and no one knows what to do. Every time, do we have to rediscover that they only die from headshots, that one bite and you will turn into one, etc? It gets old. I should ammend that a bit, this is true of most every zombie movie - "Shaun of the Dead" is one exception at least - but it is a spoof . . .

Rant #2 - They need to start letting directors cut their own trailers. There are a plethora of movie trailers that not only tell you the entire story of a movie and ruin the old-fashioned surprise of finding out what happens while you watch a movie, but many trailers give away important plot points or "twists" so that things the movie makers spend a long time trying to conceal and make surprising are shown in 60-second clips during your favorite shows. I included the "Quarantine" trailer below. I don't care if you watch the whole thing, it is one part that irritates the crap out of me. Since I doubt anyone who read this far cares to see this (or would actually be half surprised by what I'm going to tell you), I will now spoil the ending. Everyone dies. Now that's not the big surprise to anyone who watches these movies, but the final shot of the movie which could have been somewhat surprising is the final scene of the trailer!!! (starting at 2:00) Seriously, as soon as the lights got knocked out and the night vision came on (the only time in the movie it happened) anyone who saw the trailer knew exactly what was going to happen to our final survivor.

Chinks in the armor

2008-11-20T13:59:00.000-08:00

Already alienating a big part of his base without a single day in office.

Next thing we'll find out he can't even walk on water.

Even his supporters are denoting that "there is so much Obama hero worship," that people aren't even open to hear that the Messiah might have a flaw.

I still can't believe the excitement people have at the election of one power-hungry lying douche-bag over another. Only when people of all political persuasions are able to approach life with healthy cynicism towards anyone that can raise millions of dollars to spend on an election will we ever be anywhere near fixing the problems created by growing government for the past 80 years.

. . . Send

2008-11-15T14:48:00.000-08:00

My capstone proposal is completed and sent! Assuming that a due date of November 15 would mean until 11:59 MST, I am a little over 8 hours early.

I should hear if my proposal is accepted no later than December 1 . . .

Almost there

2008-11-10T14:00:00.000-08:00

I have not been blogging (including not finishing my zombie post which after its second mention is already overhyped) due to the looming deadline of the write-up of my graduate project. It is an action research project. This Saturday my proposal is due. The proposal is made up of an introduction, a presentation of my area of research, a literature review that summarizes current research and results on the topic, and a detailed description of the methods I will use. It's going to be edge-of-your-seat reading.

I have spent much of the past two weeks either working or procrastinating. Much of it has been procrastinating. I have been informed that I am the last of the group to not have a more solid methods section, and I now have a personal editor doctoral student trying to guide me through the process. It's not due until Saturday, I really don't get why other people would be done already? Who finishes stuff early?

Obviously not this guy . . .

Election Day

2008-11-04T07:35:00.000-08:00

Today we have no kids at school because of Election Day. I'm not quite sure why this started, we always went to school on Election Day before. In order to not extend the year, we have a day of professional development. This means we will waste time in semi-productive meetings and leave as early as possible. I don't understand the logic here. The school year is now 1 day shorter - approved by the school board - but because of our number of contract days as teachers, we still have to show up. It's little things like this that make me hate the union.

And because I hate unions in general and basically every form of bureaucracy that impedes my ability to do what I want, I know I will be extremely unhappy with the results of tonight's election (if for no other reason than the Redskins rule). We are about to being a "middle class rescue" which means rewarding people for work they don't do and feeding into small-minded jealousy the leads to the belief that people who make more money (possibly working less hard, but idiots who have never held positions in management or owned anything don't really know crap about how hard anyone else works)owe the rest of us something.

The plan: drink, grade papers, watch the news until it's as good as final (I'm betting the under at 7:30 PST), and play a lot of Playstation. Hopefully I will have time to write the post on zombie movies I've been meaning to write since I watched Diary of the Dead and Quarantine both in the same day this weekend.

Here's to further distancing our nation from any notion of personal responsibility!

October 28 Tuesday

2008-10-28T14:25:00.000-07:00

Gadles ligt oyfen mist.

Pride lies on the dungheap.

I thought this post needed a couple Faith No More videos attached. Enjoy. They are better than your favorite band.

Two People Who I'm Sure Jesus Loves (but I really can't stand)

2008-10-27T21:41:00.001-07:00

1. A teacher sent out an e-mail asking which of the three teachers assigned to a room to proctor the PSAT exam was the lead proctor. I replied, "Your mom is the lead proctor." She replied, "My mom is dead."

What kind of a self-absorbed moron tries to unload about whatever sad story they actually have about their mom when someone uses a "your mom [insert blank]" line? This is why I hate crowds. There are several people this stupid in every crowd. I wanted to reply, "Hopefully she died before she realizes what humorless retard she raised." Instead, I took the high road and have avoided all contact with this person since.

2. For one class period a day, I team teach a class with another teacher. This teacher was out on paternity leave for a while, so he has had a string of substitutes. I see no reason to keep them around, so I always send them home as it's the last class of the day. One particular Friday, the sub came up and I told her, "Go ahead and start your weekend early." I thought this was nice and in no way an invitation to hear anything about her personal life (or lack thereof). Of course, she responds, "It's not like I have anything to do this weekend." As I ignore her completely and begin to walk in my classroom, I hear her saying (as I am closing the door), "I don't even know anybody here." Wow, lady, try to leave with the same baggage you showed up with; I'm not a bellhop.

It's not like I said, "Hey, so I'm having a hard time figuring out if my dissatisfaction with my job is more a function of the fact that I make so little money I have walked away from my mortgage and still have to take advances on my f-ing inheritance just to pay my current bills or that I work in an environment where the crappy upbringing and attitudes and self-images of my students make a 70% pass rate something amazing yet every single failure is still my fault in the eyes of my bosses. And since I'm under contract I don't even get to leave this class, which is a collection of the worst performing incoming freshman that I have involuntarily been chosen to work with despite the fact that out of the 22 of us about to be in that room, I will most certainly be the only one that cares about their education. So how about I take a small amount of satisfaction from vicariously leaving before this disaster begins?" Now that may have been an invitation to hear all about her problems.

SNL Weekend Update

2008-10-25T09:26:00.000-07:00

Excerpt from Thursday's special episode:

"And a new trend is developing across the nation. More and more parents are homeschooling kids to avoid the required vaccinations for their children. This is leading to another trend -- dying of polio."

The Social Darwinist's Voting Guide

2008-10-23T10:34:00.000-07:00

This is how I will be filling out this year's ballot:

Main offices (President, Congress, etc.): Libertarian if there is one, Independent American is the next choice, None of the above if only major parties are represented.

Non-partisan offices:
-For regents I ask my dad because he goes to the meetings and knows who the douchebags are (I'll let you know too if you want).
-For city offices, I visit websites and e-mail each candidate. Those who dig unchecked growth, the status quo, and enabling stupid decisions or raising taxes for pet projects are out immediately. I also am immediately nonplussed by the people who can't e-mail back. It's a local office, you have nothing to do besides this.
-For judges. Death penalty and hard ass sentencing. If you assign a lot of probation, you belong in jail yourself. I typically want some men in family court. It is ludricrous how many horrible mothers get custody of kids simply because the judge has a vagina.

Ballot initiatives: Vote against any initiative that raises taxes or adds new language to the Nevada Constitution.

BAM!

Update

2008-10-22T11:41:00.000-07:00

Thank you, Bryan Young. If you scroll down to my age group (Males 30-39), it was the valiant efforts of Mr. Young that allowed me to continue my uncompletelydefeated streak. It was a close one this year.

Coming soon:
-My voter's guide
-Two types of people that really irritate me, but I'm sure Jesus loves them

Stay tuned

Oy Gestalt!

2008-10-20T10:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I ran the 10K in the RFE (pronounced arf-ee, I would imagine). This is the Washoe County Run for Education. Dylan came and ran a little 1/2 mile fun run as well. Good times. Some thoughts that I would have posted yesterday if my laptop hadn't taken a dump on me:

I wish my laptop hadn't taken a dump on me.
This was a regular race with fees, sponsors, etc. I think that the overhead is covered by the fees and sponsors, but it really doesn't seem like this is an efficient way to raise money for education. Now if people are running for awareness, well that's just stupid. Are you aware of education? Are you aware of breast cancer? Are you aware of the problem of blood diamonds in Africa? Good. Nothing has been accomplished.
It was a nice run through neighborhoods that people who work as educators would never be able to afford. Glad my english teacher taught me the meaning of irony.
A lot of kids were running the longer events, not just the fun runs. Now instead of getting worked by middle-aged ladies, I also got to get beat by kids as young as 8 years old. Now, I did catch up with most kids around mile 4, BUT IT TOOK UNTIL MILE 4!!! Thumbs down for my speed.
I set a goal to beat my split time. I've never done this before in a race. (This means I run the second half faster than the first half). I beat my split time by 4 minutes, and I didn't run the first half slower than normal. Thumbs up for endurance.
Dylan weaved through all the kids in the fun run like a champion. Some of that football is sticking. I had a hard time keeping up with him without plowing over other children. Nothing like bobbing and weaving for half a mile after finishing a 10K. I don't recommend it. I didn't lose him, though, so I guess that's another thumbs up for endurance.
I have continued what I like to call my uncompletelydefeated streak which means that I did not finish last. Unfortunately, they will break the results into age groups, and I may be near the bottom of the 30-39 year old males running. I will keep you updated on my streak once results are online.

I like drugs

2008-10-13T20:39:00.000-07:00

I don't sleep well.
I carry stress in the jaw.
By which I mean I sleep with a mouth guard so I don't grind my teeth to oblivion while I sleep.
. . . when I sleep, of course.
I think too much.
We don't make enough money.
We are still subsidized by my inheritance.
My job is wearing thin. It seems pointless.
I slept like a baby last night.
I got a filling last week.
Two percocets and 4 Coronas.
I slept like a baby last night.
I like drugs.

Don't call it a comeback

2008-10-12T22:35:00.000-07:00

On vacation

2008-08-27T11:44:00.000-07:00

I am taking my annual "holy crap, I sure am busy now that I have to work again" break from blogging. All you year-round workers may not understand this, but it is difficult to get caught up when the school year first starts. When I don't blog, I tend not to read the blogs of others either. FYI

"Swimming" or "the color of skin vs. content of character"

2008-08-15T21:49:00.000-07:00

So here's the scene:

At the pool today, there is a group of Hispanics. I say Hispanics not to be politically correct but because they weren't all Mexican. I say group not to be vague but because there were at least two families represented - two men, two women, five kids about five or under. There were also two white kids there (both around 10-12 years old) besides the half-breed spawn of my wife and myself who are doing our best to contribute to the eventual elimination of purely white folk.

So why the emphasis on race in the set-up? Because race is everything in certain situations. Allow me to explain . . .

The brown kids* were loud, rude, and a general pain in the ass. I had to tell one of them, seriously, to stop spitting water at me and my son. They incessantly picked on and fought with each other (including one time when an older kid pulled a younger one that couldn't swim into the pool and was dunking him under water until dad jumped in to the rescue). They were throwing plastic bottles at the other white kids and the parents didn't seem to care enough to actually stop them from doing any of it.

It got me to thinking about what must be running through the minds of the white kids about the brown kids and the brown parents (and brown people in general), about the fact that it definitely feels different when you are outnumbered whether you want to admit it or not (recap of the score: white kids 3, brown kids 5 - white adults 1, brown adults 4), and about the way we will quickly generalize information about groups of which we are not a part. For instance, the white kids will definitely leave the pool with some information about brown people. How much they generalize will be in part determined by their other interactions and experiences with brown people, but it will make a difference in their thoughts. This doesn't make them bad kids or mean that their parents are racists, and it can be said that the brown kids will do something similar in their minds. This is only natural, and it makes sense. When I interact with another white person, I don't think that's how white people must be. It doesn't even cross my mind. Why? I know what I think white people are like because I am one.

So what's the problem? Just get a few good experiences with other races in and you're good, right? Not really because we remember negative things so much more vividly than positive. Tell me about your best experience at school vs. your worst. How about at church? It doesn't mean that bad experiences can't be overcome. This is a good thing since I firmly believe all people are capable of being douches, and that most people are douches more often than not. If we couldn't overcome bad experiences, I would not leave my room. It does, however, take a conscious effort to overcome our negative thoughts or feelings about groups of people and it's that much harder when those same things are confirmed in the midst of our process to correct our thinking.

The great thing about human nature leads me to my overall point. If the racial variable were removed, we just find other ways to categorize ourselves. You're white, but maybe you're a Mormon. [And I do find myself a bit disgusted by the narcissism of Christians who mock Mormon beliefs - they don't sound any more retarded to the average outsider than some of the things you believe, trust me.] Maybe we're all God's people, but you are a registered Republican and I'm sane. Maybe we're all good one-world (and American) government hating young Earth Calvinist folks but you immunize your children. It never ends, it is only sometimes suspended because we have a commonality that is so strong we are willing to overlook differences (theoretically what should go on in church), however we can only keep that going for so long. Whenever we manage to form groups of people with a whole lot of commonalities, we spend all of our time figuring out how to exclude or even kill those that don't belong in our special group. At any given time, you are representing your group to others (what it is you are representing differs depending on the people you are with). This means that you have a great deal of influence over how another human being views men, white people, Christians, teachers, or whatever other group you may or may not belong to (I was just listing a few of my own). You don't have to like it. You can whine and protest like the professional athlete that didn't sign up to be a role model but it won't change it.

If you recognize that deep down everyone, including yourself, is prejudiced and our default mode is to base our opinions of entire groups of people on anecdotal evidence and stereotypes (which do usually exist for a reason), then you can make a point of actively combatting this by interacting with people on as much of a clean slate is possible. Second, it is important to remember that you are often either the lone or most important representative of one of many groups to others you interact with. I'm not saying you should put on an act, but sometimes it is important to realize the situation you are in - what people will learn about from interacting with you and act accordingly. Bascially, it is the eternal balancing act between keeping it real and representing.

I think too much when I go swimming.

*[to save time and be true to the spirit of this post and the reality of what goes on inside our ugly brains, I will be referring to people strictly by skin color instead of guessing at ethnicity, attempting to be politically correct, etc. If you are offended by my reference to brown kids, white kids, etc. you are an overly sensitive, immature, unintelligent person who cannot participate in real discourse about sensitive issues - don't bother attempting to do so]

Good job, retards

2008-08-11T13:50:00.001-07:00

Now I want to see this movie even more.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

2008-08-05T21:33:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you have all missed me in my absence.

No, I'm pretty sure.

Anyhow, I promised a post on the parents I just can't stand in regards to football. A guess was put forth that it was the parent living vicariously through their child. That is not it. I almost feel sympathy for them, as long as they do not possess the fatal combination of beligerence and a complete lack of knowledge of the rules of the sport they are yelling about (e.g. any Reed or North Valleys basketball parent). No, my friends, I am talking about the most idiotic parents of all. They are . . . drumroll please . . . the parent that signs up their girl to play football.

Now there are many things that I disagree with and think that people have incorrect opinions, but it usually doesn't boil down to militant stupidity. For instance, if you voted to increase the minimum wage, I don't think you are too stupid to live maybe just not very knowledgeable about basic economic principles. But if you sign up your daughter for football or believe that girls should be allowed to play football . . . well, there are countless ways I finished this sentence, but I'll save them for the comments if there are any.

And now for something completely different

2008-07-26T22:41:00.000-07:00

it was amazing to hear tom talk. it has been quite the buzz on the blogs and i hate to be one of "those guys" but i have to mention it as well. i'm not sure what it was, maybe just that hearing somebody completely different really snapped me to attention. no offense to my friend scoey, especially since he paid for bully's on wednesday, but it has been extremely easy for me to go through the motions on sunday mornings. i have been noticing (yet not really trying to understand or do anything about) the way nothing really seems to hit me on sundays. i remember first "coming back to Jesus" in spokane and attending church. everything was so fresh, the messages were just for me. and this continued when we came here. i really learned things and felt like i heard things to apply to my life each week. i wanted to be involved in everything. i turned into someone i wasn't, tried to help people for many reasons - most of them self serving and selfish, got burned horribly by two specific people i considered very good friends - who still don't even acknowledge that anything bad happened and yes it still pisses me off, and basically got extremely burned out on God.

going through the motions.

i stepped down from leadership and volunteer positions. i blamed it on being busy (and i was too busy to continue the way that i was going), but that wasn't the real reason. i felt empty, frustrated, uncomfortable. as the past few years have progressed, i find myself at a point where i really don't talk to God at all. i throw quick ones up for the stupidest reasons. i try to pray for people when i say i will or they ask, but it is usually sporadic and uninspired. i have made many a decision based on me trying my best to hold everything together and control all. over the past 3 years, i have almost lost the ability to sleep an entire night through. i am up every 2-3 hours, tossing and turning, wandering around the house, etc. i sleep most of the night every fifth or sixth because exhaustion sets in. i know it's the worry and the stress associated with doing everything myself.

this week i have really attempted to rediscover that lifestyle of prayer. i know that God is all about waiting for me to stop being a douche, and He's pretty patient as far as that goes. the thing that hit me about what tom said last week is that he talks to God all the time. that really hit me because that is what i used to do. i would seriously have a running dialog in my brain almost constantly. Jesus thinks i'm pretty funny, or at least humors me. and i'm sure that He has a pretty good sense of humor - He has made me laugh out loud. for me, a good relationship with Jesus could almost be mistaken for mild schizophrenia. i mean that in a good way, if that makes sense.

man, i hate long posts. i'm too tired to edit or break it up. hell, i was too tired to capitalize.

for my next post: dylan started football practice today. i am going to have to interact with one kind of person i really, really can't stand. it would be a poll question, but the multiple choice would give it away so here it is -- can you guess what kind of person that you might see and have to interact with if your kid was playing "little kid football" do you think bothers me as much as any person possibly could?

I'm on my way . . . home sweet home

2008-07-12T06:34:00.000-07:00

The computer is the last thing I'm packing as I leave the Best Western in Tim's birthplace this morning. I'll be on the road after pillaging the breakfast buffet downstairs. It feels great to be coming home, but I did make some good friends along the way. What is amazing to me is that it never felt like 3 weeks. When I was away to Germany, once without anyone, then again without the kids, both 2 week stints felt a lot longer. Maybe it was all the free time.

Anyhow, enough blogging. I look forward to seeing most of you tomorrow.

Meet me at the intersection of mathematics and beer

2008-07-07T12:10:00.000-07:00

William S. Gosset had a simple goal in life: to excel at his job. He worked for the Guinness brewery, and to make sure they were brewing with the absolute best barley and hops, he invented what we now call the t distribution and t inference procedures - the tool and methods used by statisticians and millions in statistics courses to create a confidence interval for the mean of a sample space as compared the mean of a population of data . . . basically a way to estimate the average of a lot of stuff with just a few things.

This earned him a title far more impactful and prestigious than "professor" or "doctor." He became "head brewer," a lofty goal for anyone. I suggest we all celebrate the mathematical achievements of Mr. Gosset whenever possible. Brilliant!

Things that lick my truck

2008-06-30T05:50:00.000-07:00

This list used to be very short. In fact, it had one entry: dogs. I am happy to report that as a result of my stay here in big sky country - moose. Is moose the plural of moose? I'd look it up but I need to get ready for school - that's for you guys to tell me today.

Anyhow, this guy really liked my car. The mom was staring in the front window when Heather came and woke me up to go look, but they had found that a dirty red Mazda is tasty. Haven't seen a moose this close since I lived in Alaska. It is a good thing Danny was at work. He won the hunting lottery by scoring himself a moose tag on Saturday, so my truck could be riddled by bullet holes right now. This is no guarantee that it won't before my return.

1 week down, 9 more class days to go!

June 29 Sunday

2008-06-29T23:48:00.000-07:00

Host du bei mir an avleh.

So what if I made a mistake.

I see why people want to *[edited]

2008-06-25T07:40:00.000-07:00

We live in a stupid world.

*create a time machine to go back in time and molest judges when they were small children to see how "proportional" they think the death penalty is now.

Is that more appropriate?

Welcome to Montana

2008-06-22T21:23:00.000-07:00

It was a rough road for sure. What the sign doesn't indicate is that as soon as you cross into Montana, every driver you encounter on a two-lane highway will be going 5-10 mph below the speed limit. Life's a little slower up here, I suppose. They were all going so slow that I almost figured I didn't need my seatbelt. Luckily there are public service posters to remind me.

A few more things that I realized on my drive, either yesterday or today:

It's a bit eerie to me that my cell phone changes time automatically when I cross into a new time zone.
Good friends read your blog then call you because they figure you're sitting in a Super 8 Motel room with not much to do but chat. Thanks, Opie.
Spitz spicy sunflower seeds, when spit into a cup that used to hold Cherry Coke create a smell much like molasses (a smell much more pleasant than other -asses).
Driving with other people is immensely more fun than driving by yourself.
Thanks to Matty and my Uncle Larry (who was in Reno from Michigan this past week - got to drive to San Fransico with him and my dad to watch back-to-back Detroit Tigers road wins) this blog will have to delve into how do we know we believe the right thing and possibly even "the elect" at some point when my 12 credits in three weeks aren't kicking my molass - or when I just get tired enough of working, like now, to blog anyhow.
I will be meeting a lot of new people. My wife says I don't make eye contact while talking to people, and Laura tells me I make faces. I do believe they are both right.

Got into Bozeman about 4:00 local time. I stopped at a rest stop, took a picture of the cow poster and hit the highway to find Danny and Heather's house. They are related to Shawn somehow (cousins or something), so I get to stay with them. Their place is about as far out of Bozeman as mine is from Reno, but a lot of it is up a fairly narrow winding dirt road. Glad I'm nowhere near here in the winter. This is the spread, but the picture really doesn't do it justice. The place is huge, I have pretty much the whole downstairs. I share it with 2 year-old red-headed Tyler. He's awesome. This is going to be a good trip. They seem like really good people. I made a concious effort to make eye contact with them while speaking. It was good practice for tomorrow.

Twin Falls, ID

2008-06-21T18:48:00.001-07:00

Greetings from sunny Twin Falls. Well, it's not really "sunny" like the sun is out, but it's hot. It might even be butt hot, but it depends on if the sign on the one bank that sad 100 degrees or the sign 300 feet down the street that said 92 degrees is right.

Things I learned on the first half of my Livingston, MT drive:

Driving for 6 hours is super boring when no one is with you.

Battle Mountain's slogan is "Half Way to Everywhere." How sad is your town when the only thing that the tourism experts think might draw people is that it's a great place to go through on the way to somewhere else? It did not disappoint, it is very close to halfway between Winnemucca and Elko. Score!

It is ridiculously hot in Twin Falls, ID.

Disclaimers are important: In a rest stop bathroom just past halfway to everywhere, there was a condom dispenser. It boldy proclaimed that the brand in the maching was the most widely used brand in the U.S.* The asterisk indicated a disclaimer below which read "*through coin operated vendor." I took a picture of it with my phone. Yes, I was taking a picture of a condom machine in a rest stop in rural Nevada. I've never felt so alive.

Have fun tomorrow, suckers. I should be in Idaho Falls around the time you all are figuring out how high to lift your hands.

My M. Night Shyamalan Rant/Movie Review

2008-06-13T16:04:00.000-07:00

This afternoon Lolita and I snuck out of the house to watch "The Happening". 3 Netfilx stars.

I pretty much never bother with movie reviews because everyone's tastes are so different, blah, blah, but I feel pretty strongly about M. Night Shyamalan - almost as strongly as I feel about Scott Stapp, but for different reasons. After his first three films, I thought he was a genius - the next great American filmmaker - I thought his next film was a plodding, boring, predictable affair, and his next was a narcissistic exercise in ridiculousness.

Some people disagree with some of these thoughts, and it's OK for them to be wrong. Here's the thing: In his first 3 movies he managed to create well-rounded believable characters that react to strange, supernatural, or extraterrestrial situations. The key is that they react much in ways that you would believe actual people would. Sometimes funny, sometimes sad, not easy to categorize. That's real life. And if you want to argue about "Signs" being stupid because the aliens invaded a planet that is mostly water and water is the way that we fought them off - you really have no imagination and need to stop stealing arguments from the local newspaper movie critic. There are plenty of excuses, hell, advanced civilizations of sentient beings have been known to invade places based on some pretty crappy intelligence.

Where he fell down in "The Village" is he still tried to incorporate a surprise ending that was not at all surprising, drug it on for far too long, tried to scare us with monsters after it was explained they were fake, and there were too many characters. He is good with small casts when he can develop people. "Lady in the Water" had no actual characters, but it was full of ludicrous caricatures that were uninteresting and completely unbelievable. He left us with a bunch of people we don't care about and then casting himself as the guy who was going to write a book that would save the world. Or something like that. You know what would happen if someone wrote a book that would change the world? 5 people would read it, then it would get made into a movie. Everyone would say, "I bet the book is better" on their way to the next Michael Bay movie.

The positives: The movie is 91 minutes long by my watch. I love movies that don't waste time. Some movies need a 3 hour running time, but not many of the 3 hour movies I've seen do. The film concentrates on 3 people mainly, with one more character of any importance. They are all believable and you care about them. It came as close to making me cry as any movie I've seen in years. It's a return to form of his best films by taking large phenomenon and focusing on a small group of people a la "Signs" without trying to redo "Sixth Sense" with another suprise ending.

The negatives: This movie is a "message" movie, and the message is about as timely as a rubics cube. For some inexplicable reason, there are several scenes where the microphones are visible at the top of the screen. It seemed like a set up for a surprise ending, but as stated above - no surprise ending. It's not explained. I suppose it's supposed to be artistic somehow, but it was really distracting and sloppy.

In the end, I'm happy that he hasn't yet pulled the crap movie hat trick - but the microphone fiasco especially makes me figure his pretentiousness will find ways to permeate all his movies and basically piss me off. Wait for the DVD, it's worth seeing just not worth $13.00 unless you get to own it for later viewings.

Things people shouldn't have to be told

2008-06-10T15:03:00.000-07:00

I was at Concentra for a drug screen yesterday. After I emptied my pockets, I was given the little plastic cup. As the door closed behind me, I noticed a sign on the wall that said: Please provide urine samples only.

I am so glad I was not an employee at Concentra working at the time where it became apparent this sign would be necessary.

Caffeine

2008-06-04T10:01:00.000-07:00

Went to a baseball game in Oakland with some friends last night. Had high hopes the Detroit Tigers wouldn't fall to 10 games below .500. Those hopes were dashed by an infield hit to first base in the bottom of the 11th with 2 outs and bases loaded. Jack "Swing away, Merrill" Cust outran Miguel Cabrera to first as MC fielded an oddly hit ball to end the night. 5-4 Oakland in 11 innings.

We sat in the all-you-can-eat seating area. This is the best idea ever. For $35, we get as much ballpark food (nachos, hot dogs, peanuts, popcorn, soda, ice creas) as we can eat for the first 7 innings. OK, maybe not as great an idea after the game as it seemed during, but I would do it again. I lost count, but I might enter a hot dog eating contest next year, the only thing I didn't do was soak the buns in water last night . . .

Got home at 3:00 in the morning. After all the usual preparations (which didn't involve me taking my classroom keys out of my wife's car - oops!), it was 3:30 before I turned in. I had to get up right around 6:30 to give out my last two finals. Good times. Just like the ballpark food -- I would do it all again.

On Grieving

2008-05-28T11:08:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure I'm "good" at grieving. I don't always express emotions well, and I really hate saying the wrong thing. I kind of figure that nothing is better than the wrong thing.

Today was my second opportunity to talk about someone who has passed in two days. After returning to school from Sue's memorial service, we got word that a colleague of mine from down the hall who has been battling lung cancer for the last two years had taken a turn for the worse. 100% oxygen, fading consciousness, etc. The phone call that she had died came later that evening. She was 30. Asbestos. We did a brief "memorial" to her this morning in a staff meeting.

At both I said nothing. It's not that I didn't like them, or even that I don't have stories or good memories. I remember how mad Sue got when she thought we were making fun of Dave's purple sleeping bag he took with him to men's camp. We were actually making fun of Gus's purple sleeping bag, but I still remember calling Dave to try to diffuse the situation and so I could sleep soundly knowing Sue was no longer after me. I remember Julia telling me about going to a Bruce Campbell book signing and some guy started bowing when he got to the front of the line. I remember how she-WEA rep, Mormon, and registered democrat-talked about frustrating a telephone pollster earlier this year when she told him that Mit Romney most represented her values. But those stories mean something to me, the person who is gone, and the people who were actually involved in them. They are not great examples of how we should remember someone, and they don't need to be shared with large groups. I also find that at these gatherings, some people find a way to make it about them (not so much at Sue's, but this morning was ridiculous). Another reason I don't like sharing at these things.

There is now a big poster on the walls here where teachers and students can write notes that Julia's husband Brent (yep, he's cool), will receive. What should I write? "At least you got to see some douche bag bow to Ash before you went!" or "Who's less likely to be elected president, a black guy or a latter-day saint?" (The answer is, of course, neither have a chance.) She would appreciate it, but would her husband? Better to write something generic or just not write at all.

I saw Dave this Sunday and gave him a hug. I didn't say anything like "I'm sorry." That seems stupid. I like him, so I'm obviously not wishing his wife to die. Do we always have to say things?

When tragedies happen, I try to interact with people simply by letting them know I'm there for them and trying not to act to different - like they are infected with death or something. I think I come off as insensitive and callous sometimes. I know of at least one person I seriously offended with my response to Shawn's blog because I was saying something specifically for Shawn in a way I knew I would communicate with him and others got all butt hurt about it. If I didn't love the Lears, I wouldn't have practically lived at their house last summer, I wouldn't text him constantly, watch the Wings at Bully's with him, etc.

To sum up --
1. I do love and miss Sue and Julia.
2. I wish I could take away the pain that others feel losing a child, sibling, parent etc.
3. If I talk to you, I like you. I will be sorry if you or someone close to you dies. Don't be surprised if I'm not keynote speaker at your funeral - I won't hold it against you if you don't tell stories at mine.

So thick you can taste it

2008-05-27T07:56:00.000-07:00

I have discovered that, in the right quantities, drinking Squirt and eating Whoppers will cause burps that taste a lot like cappuccino.

Class of 2020

2008-05-22T15:08:00.000-07:00

Dylan graduated from Kindergarten today. Graduations always tug at the heartstrings, and this was no exception. My boy is getting so big. As they announced their names, they also announced what the kids wanted to be when they grow up.

"Dylan Judy . . . and Dylan wants to be a football player for . . ." (at this point I'm wondering what's worse, him picking a team other than the Detroit Lions or finding out that his dream is to play for one of the worst franchises in professional sports from the top down) " . . . the Green Bay Packers." (Yep, that's worse. Not as bad as the fact he was about to come to blows with his sisters predicting David Archuletta would win American Idol - wrong and slightly gay.)

As a tribute to a wonderful, considerate, smart son and and possible future member of the hated division rival Packers the next 4 songs on my Widget are a selection of what Dylan is listening to now (as judged by what he asks to listen to when he rides in my truck).

Ricochet by Faith No More. It's always funny until someone gets hurt, and then it's just hilarious.

Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N' Roses. The only song that everyone wants to turn up when the whole family is driving in the car - just more evidence that this might be the best song ever recorded.

Unbroken by Killswitch Engage. Like David, Dylan believes that this vocalist is reminiscent of Mike Patton from Faith No More, probably a big reason he likes this song -- besides the obvious fact that it rocks pretty stinking hard.

Ribbons by Midnight Movies. Dylan has a soft spot for female vocalists, and it's always nice to find them not doing crappy pop music or, God forbid, country.

Ha!

2008-05-20T12:05:00.001-07:00

This is just a general mocking of the three people who sullied my previous poll by predicting the Hornets would be NBA champions. Maybe next year, CP3. Or maybe when you get a nickname that is slightly less gay. Or a big man that is more than a two-season fluke a la Marcus Camby.

The NBA - where overhyping mediocre teams while trying to anoint the next big star happens.

Bush impersonates Dr. Evil

2008-05-16T10:57:00.000-07:00

Not as promisng as the title suggests, but it is interesting to at least know that amongst many other similarities Mr. Bush and our friend Tim has, they both belong to the Austin Powers fan club.

And as stupid as we like to think our president is, in this election season I am finding myself questioning the intelligence of getting especially interested in voting McCain or, conversely, defining "change" as higher taxes, crappier health care, partial birth abortions, and ditching minimum penalties for federal crimes. On the other hand, if elected, perhaps Obama can help me better understand how my bitterness affects my silly religious beliefs and my propensity towards gun ownership.

Drama for Your Mama

2008-05-13T13:45:00.000-07:00

I really like to write posts that somehow make me look good, smart, witty, etc. It's my blog, it should basically revolve around me and my positive traits since the universe has a particularly annoying way of not doing this at all. But in this case, I actually have two stories that indicate that I still exist at a very immature 30 most of the time - although I do spend two jobs working with people that laugh whenever the number 69 comes up for completely legitmate reasons and have the "pleasure" of working two jobs where it does way more often than in most fields.

Digression #1: There was actually two sequential probability questions in our textbook as examples,

one about different balls and

one about various kinds of nuts.

Now the author either gives high school kids way too much credit

or was setting me up.

I, of course, prefer the latter explanation.

At my second job, the tokes we recieve are all put into a box, and it is up to people to split them up and give everyone their money. This system is flawless in its ability to make everyone assume that someone is stealing from them. The system was recently tweaked so that this is now done once on swing shift and once on day shift. It used to be done once a day and everyone got a certain share. Now it is split twice a day, so it necessitates that someone now does it at the end of the swing shift hours as well.

Digression #2: Since the inception of the new system, swing shift guys make about 1/2 to 1/3

as much as we did previously. This has the swing guys rather upset.

If you ever need concrete evidence that world peace is a pipe dream

go to any place of business that runs mulitple shifts. I swear

every job I've ever had has been days vs. swing about everything.

Then I started teaching and we can complain about departments -

or since we are so revolutionary with our small schools, we

can complain about other buildings since they are somewhat

seperate entities. I'm white, you're not. I'm Christian, you're a fag.

People will always find ways to find large groups of people to hate.

Of course, the math teacher is somehow considered to be the person best suited to take 7% off the top for these guys, add up hours and divide the balance. There is a calculator there. I could train Dylan to do it. I knew it was a bad deal and wasn't too excited about it, but I did want my money. Naturally, someone the next day called my manager at home and, basically, asked him if he thought I stole money from the box because his cut should have been bigger.

In my first life as a teacher, I am known for being fairly diplomatic. I stay above most of the petty bickering and the bitching (well most of the bitching) and even resolve conflicts in my spare time when approached by certain people. I managed to not really give much of a crap about the tipping system or anything else in my second life. Yet for some reason when this phone call was relayed to me by my manager, I unleashed a verbal onslaught against the aforementioned jack-ass that can only be described as epic. I vaguely remember someone asking me if the "language" was necessary. It was not a proud moment. I apologized to the couple people that listened to me, then sort of apologized to phone call guy (is it an apology if you are not sorry for the content of the message, just that it was not delivered in person with appropriate language?). I felt like a bit of a douche, especially considering I knew it was coming.

On Sunday, I saw a familiar face waiting for their car. I do not remember this lady's name, or anything about her at all . . . but seeing her gave me this feeling that I get when I see people that I really don't want to interact with at all. What makes it so much better is I know I remember her from Hillside. In fact, I'm sure I could describe her to a couple faithful readers of this blog and they would know who I was talking about. I quickly did what Jesus would do: threw up a quick prayer to Father God that this cup would be taken from me, that someone else would end up driving up her car almost eliminating the chance that we would interact at all. I kind of thought God had hung me out to dry when I found myself driving her car up. So I quickly hypothesized that Jesus would most likely avoid all eye contact with this lady and pray to Father that she didn't recognize Him. Luckily she didn't recognize me, and I was left to think that I am a tad more shallow and anti-social than Jesus would actually be if He worked Nugget valet.

May 11 Sunday

2008-05-11T14:17:00.000-07:00

Fun fartrikenteh baimer kumen kain paires nischt arois.

Fruit doesn't fall from withered trees.

Sharing Music Part 3

2008-05-05T12:01:00.000-07:00

I will get on to a new topic after this, but it's worth posting.

Anyone interested in the new nine inch nails release "the slip" can download it for free from the official website. There is also a new 36 track instrumental release that you can purchase for $5 or download the first 9 tracks for free. I have it, and it's pretty good -- but I'm into instrumentals unlike some of my esteemed colleagues.

Enjoy.

PS Thanks to Lon and David for giving me this information in 2 separate e-mails. You think I would learn to actually check the site once in a while.

Sharing music again

2008-05-03T14:32:00.000-07:00

Satan Gave Me a Taco by Beck

As relevant today as it was sometime in that '88-'93 recording timeframe provided in the liner notes of the CD.

Sharing music

2008-04-30T22:01:00.000-07:00

One of the things that is interesting about valet besides how filthy they can keep their cars is trying to guess what kind of music will be on their radio when you turn on their car.

I do get paid and even make some tips, but if nothing else, valet allowed me to discover the musical genius that is Clarence Carter. From the moment I heard the first verse of "Strokin" I knew I would break my own cardinal rule and mess with someone's stereo just so I could see who the artist was responsible for this amazing song. Words can't describe it. Just go ahead and play it for yourself. It is fantastic.

ADDITIONAL NOTE:
My wife has heard this song before. And knows a lot of the words. Now I'm afraid I may be the only one who hadn't discovered the sheer brilliance of Clarence Carter before this past Saturday.

SLIDERS

2008-04-25T07:52:00.000-07:00

For those of you not in the know (which included me up until some time this school year), sliders are little mini hamburgers. They are very cheap during happy hour at Bully's. That sentence just contained three things I like a lot: cheap, happy hour, Bully's. Seems like all is good, right? Well, I partook of said sliders yesterday for the second time since I found out what they were. I went to go run and park some cars at the Nugget afterwards. I don't know how sliders got their name, but I would hypothesize somebody named them after the way they move through the human digestive system. This is my story . . .

On the 4th of July a couple of years back I decided to run a 10K with Matty in the morning. I also figured it would be a good idea to go watch my beloved Detroit Tigers (now only 3 games back from first in the Central) take on the Oakland A's. Beer and stadium food were consumed in good measure as well as a stop for some Taco Bell on the way. Apparently crunchwrap supremes, bratwurst, and watered down Budweiser is not an ideal prerace eating regimen. No less than 10 minutes into the run, I really felt like I might be sliding into first and feeling something burst - as the old standard goes - at any moment. Cold sweats are also an interesting side effect to holding in the funk for too long, as well as an impending sense that the offensive stuff may just come out the other end if you're going to be so stubborn about it. The weird gait that one has while clinching is bad for the finishing time and the back. I do remember barely breaking stride as I finished, running past Matty straight to the traditional post-race Port-a-Potty.

Last night we were completely busy due to the volleyball tournament in town this weekend. We were parking, running, parking, running almost all night. Very few people picking up cars, so a whole lot of running. About 1 hour into my shift last night, I find that I'm slightly nauseous and getting some chills/cold sweats. I'm puckering before long, and sneaking down to the employee wash area about every half hour. Needless to say - it was not a lot of fun. There is nothing like waiting for a vanload of teenage girls and overbearing bitchy mom to make up their minds, get their crap together, etc. all while not yelling - "I'm on my 12th hour of work, my back hurts from running while clinching my butt cheeks, I'm sweating like a pig, and if you don't finish in about 20 seconds I will crap myself!"

Now the danger of artificial intelligence has been the theme of many futuristic sci-fi stories - e.g. Battlestar Galactaca, Matrix, Terminator, though I hypothesize man and machine will learn to live in harmony in BSG (perhaps a topic for another time) - I think that there is one area that, if significant steps are taken, will completely justify the development of machines into sentient beings. This area is auto-flush toilets. I will curse future generations of the human race to machine induced slavery or even genocide for the development of an automatic flush toilet that can tell the difference between someone standing up after finishing their business and the movement required to put the seat protector on the seat. The worst thing is the somehow the toilet that just flushed 4 unused seat protectors suddenly will not flush to dispose of your waste no matter how much you wave the hand that isn't plugging your nose around in front of the sensor. The last thing I want to do is touch the little button to flush it. You know some disgusting person who just got crap all over his/her hands while wiping has reached back and touched that button. You know it hasn't been cleaned since then. I don't even like to touch it with my shoe. I just imagine zooming in like CSI and watching the germs crawl up my shoe and into my pant leg. Recent world events have also led me to fear that it is also possible that the button could be cursed with some sort of black magic that could shrink my genitalia or cause it to disappear altogether. I say, bring on the artificial intelligence. Consequences be damned.

Things I Learned in Church as a Child

2008-04-23T12:29:00.000-07:00

There are different levels of boring.

Last night I was in a class that is mandatory for new teachers. I have discovered the secret attendance rule through constant badgering of the ladies in charge of these trainings, but I did have to go last night. Three and a half hours of mind-numbing boredom. Times like these inevitably make me think back to going to church as a child.

When I would go and visit my grandparents and extended family - 10 uncles and aunts including 2 each of Larry and Betty and countless cousins - in Grand Rapids, MI, I remember the pain of the old-fashioned Baptist services with no Sunday School escape for the little ones. These were not 45 minute "speeches" with coffee and the ability to leave your pew for the restroom just whenever, these were fill-in-the-blanks-in-your-bulletin marathons. The only thing that made it bearable was that Grandpa, who just recently passed, would always buy me candy for the service. Rolos were my personal favorite boring church service candy. At a very young age I taught myself the concept of division by figuring out how many blanks needed to be filled out in my bulletin before I could have my next Rolo in order to still have one piece to eat right at the end of the service. The problem was that I never made it much more than about a half an hour before I ate them all anyhow.

Fast forward twenty-something years and I find myself at this training at 6:00. There is 90 minutes left, and I have 6 Hershey's Kisses in front of me. I quickly figure out that if I eat a Kiss every 15 minutes, I will be able to tell how much time is left by the number of Kisses I have. Approximate time when I finished all my candy: 6:12.

April 22 Tuesday

2008-04-22T10:57:00.000-07:00

Lon zein an ergerer, abi an anderer.

Let it be worse as long as it's a change.

Names have been changed to protect the innocent

2008-04-18T10:39:00.000-07:00

An actual e-mail I received today:

Subject: internet phone cord needed
If anyone has an extra long cord I could really use it to hook my projector online.
Thanks,
XXXXX

This begs the question, if anyone had an "extra long internet phone cord", could you really use it to hook your projector online?

23 of 24: the American Dream (part 2 of 2)

2008-04-14T11:50:00.001-07:00

On 23 of 24. That's just a shade under 96%.

2. Many people's definition of success does not match mine.

I wrote a big long explanation of this, but it needs to be simpler. I hate long posts when I'm reading, and you have better things to do with your time rather than read them.

For the first time since we've been married, my wife and I are getting close to being on the same page when it comes to finances. I need to get out of debt and stop getting subsidized by my parents to make ends meet. My salary is not great, but it will get better and it will pay for a reasonable lifestyle, just not necessarily one that matches what other people have and do.

In order to be able to do things that we value as a family - be generous with time and money, do things together as a family (most of which end up costing at least a little bit of $$), etc - we need to make some serious changes in our life. Many of these changes will be easy for me as I don't care as much for possessions and home ownership as my wife does, or at least has in the past. I hope that the transition will be smooth and benefit us all. I don't mind working the second job right now, but I don't want it to be a necessity for the rest of my life. I don't want my next trip to the movies to have a ripple effect that ends up causing me to lose sleep for three weeks. I've grown tired of trying to keep up with the Jonses and the mental and emotional strain that it has caused.

And I'm fairly excited about moving back into town soon.

21 of 22: the Second Job (part 1 of 2)

2008-04-14T11:22:00.000-07:00

21 of 22. 95.454545...%

This is how many days I have had to work. I have had no scheduled days off since Easter. I took a day off from my teaching gig on Thursday just to do so and run a couple of errands that I had little time for. My second job basically schedules me for Saturdays and Sundays every once in a while throwing a shift in the middle of the week. I have worked around 70 hours each of the last 3 weeks. The next 7 weeks until school lets out should be more of the same, with the only days off from both jobs will have to be specially requested or traded for (it's been a long time since I had a job where I could actually trade shifts with someone - it's awesome not being "the guy").

Despite the way this started, this is not a whiny or complaining topic at all. I have had 2 semi-incredible realizations over the past 3 weeks and the time leading up to me finally getting the second job I've known I would need for an embarrasingly long amount of time. I'll talk about the second in a day or two.

1. Working 2 jobs is not nearly as hard as I thought it would be.
I have done this before, albeit years ago, and I thought that it would take a harder toll due to age or being in a different spot in life. There are very few days where I am noticibly more tired than I used to be, it's more a matter of adjusting. I still have a whole lot of time with family and friends and get my homework done, I'm really only losing out on TV and "lazy" time where I don't accomplish much or use my time wisely. I understand that I haven't been doing it for long, but school ends in just over 6 weeks and then I'll only be working the second job for a couple of months.

Buttercup

2008-04-10T14:21:00.000-07:00

On hookers and prostitutes

2008-04-06T20:05:00.000-07:00

I can actually find nothing on the internet to support my claim, so I'm opening it up for discussion amongst those who read my blog. It is my understanding that a hooker works on the street and a prostitute works out of a house or is a call girl. Kind of higher class in the sex trade than a hooker. Does anyone else think there is a distinction or are they both interchangeable?

One more thought to finish the topic of the evening . . . I always thought that Winston Churchill was the man (or at least said to be the man) that propositioned a woman on a train to sleep with him for a large sum of money, then continued to bargain her down until he offered such a low amount that she said, "What do you think I am, a prostitute?" to which he replied, "We have already established that you are a prostitute, I am merely trying to determine your price." I'm sure we've all heard some form of that story. Was it Churchill, or at least has anyone else ever heard that it was Churchill?

Battlestar is Back!!

2008-04-04T15:37:00.000-07:00

I admit that I am a big frakkin' nerd for this show. It has been entirely too long since the end of season 3.

DVR is set. I get off work at midnight, by 1:00 I will come away satisfied although it's unlikely I will be anything more than teased on all the important questions (e.g. is Starbuck a Cylon also?).

I would, if I were the kind of person that used punctuation to make frowny faces, mention that this is the last season and put a frowny face after it. But then I would have to hate myself, and I don't want to be that kind of person - the kind that hates themselves or the kind that uses punctuation faces.

I just made $229.03

2008-04-04T14:50:00.000-07:00

Run your own virtual lemonade stand.

Way more fun than it should be. Hint: Do the fast forward, it makes the days much less tedious.

April 3 Thursday

2008-04-03T23:05:00.000-07:00

Az men iz biz tsvantsik yor a kind, iz men tsu ain-un tsvantsik a behaimeh.

If you're a child at twenty, you're an ass at twenty-one.

March 22 Saturday

2008-03-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

Shveigen haist geret.

Silence gives consent.